May Contain Nuts

After taking the anti-sickness pills, I finally felt well enough to leave the house for the next round of chemo!  

Made it to the hospital a bit early. Didn’t have a meltdown in the waiting room, but I was nervous. The nurse checked in to see how I was as we were going through the bays (Bay 2 today) and they weighed me. Not good, lost 5kgs in a week. I didn’t realise I had dropped that much weight; I was frowned at. I told her that I was going to continue taking the anti-sickness pills as they made things more comfortable for me. She was happy with my answer. Had a canula fitted in my left arm and then had to sit and wait for the drugs to arrive. It took ages. 

Bev came round with the drinks trolley at 11am. Still no sign of anything. They came round with the cold cap for me, which I thought was weird as I was led to believe it was one week of chemotherapy and the rest was immunotherapy. Never mind, I’ll go with it. 

Then they came out with the anti-sickness pill and the antihistamine. Now that was weird. Maybe I didn’t notice it last week but within minutes of it going into your bloodstream, it literally knocks me out. Bev came round with the lunch trolley and I’m sure I was really spaced out when asking for my food. Cheese and pickle sandwich with a jelly. Then, after having the cold cap on for the allotted time, they came out with the paclitaxel. But that’s chemotherapy. Will have more immunotherapy? Will this chemotherapy diminish my immune system again? Will I be constantly having to hide away? So many questions that I didn’t ask. But then I didn’t want to seem stupid for asking them. Maybe I will be brave enough one day. 

I tried to keep my eyes closed and not pay attention to everyone around me. I recognised the man opposite; we were in Bay 4 together last week. He was reading a book and one of the Macmillan nurses asked what it was about. He said his friend had written it about his prostate cancer journey. The woman in the chair to my right was talking with all the nurses. Every one of them had got the same bit of her life story. She’s far too talkative for me, so I did my utmost to not make eye contact. We all had a bit of a relax after lunch. Some fell asleep, whilst I kept my eyes closed but sleep eluded me.  

Around 2pm, the nurses were back checking the alarms and the timers on the drips. They were with the woman next to me and then carried over straight to me. Which is when it happened. I caught her eye and that was it. Jeanie and I were now in a conversation. Well, she did most of the talking, so it was a bit of one-sided conversation. She told me about her car, the man who’s coming to do some handy work for her, her neighbour who mows her lawn for her, her grandchildren, her children, her cancer treatment, her surgery, her bra (she flashed it to me), her new carpet, the rug that is upstairs that she wants downstairs, her new furniture that the company are holding on to until her carpet is laid, the operation she had on her foot, and then finally, right before they took my cold cap off, she heard one of the nurses call me Michelle. Oh, that’s a name I can’t forget – she said – my daughter is called Shell. I was going to say that my is Michelle, but she had already started talking about something else, so I never got the chance. 

As it was only one chemo drip, I was finished earlier than last week so Simon collected me and took me home. He didn’t seem happy about picking me up, but it turned out that he was going to work straight afterwards so I think he was more pissed off about that than waiting for me for a little while in the car park. I didn’t get given any injections to do at home, so that was a huge relief for me. 

The girls and I had McDonald’s for dinner (Jeanie had talked about it and I couldn’t get it out of my head) and I was really looking forward to eating it. I think I ate it too quickly as I had to stop halfway through to use the toilet. That was a bit unexpected, but it didn’t put me off my food. I did eat too quickly and gave myself indigestion. But I enjoyed it!